Wednesday, October 19, 2011

in the overflow

If I could worship, bow down in song and praise, every day, all day. I would be there.
I honeslty think it's by God's grace that I am able to step out of that place and talk to other people, love on other people and tell others about Him.
Because I know, that the amazing goodness I feel, the peace that comes in my time in the quiet with him, when my heart is bursting with song, if it didn't lift, I would stay, probably never eat, nada.

I've been so overwhelmed by the overflow of God recently. How good, good good His goodness is.
That I have found Him in the quiet, though I can not stay everyday all day, I will one day get ten fold what I expierince now.... uncomprehendable, but in the overflow of the queit place, I get days of overflow. Moments in my day when I can feel the overflow. I get to speak without confidence in my own flesh, but standing in awe and what just came out of my mouth, of what was just reminded to me through the overflow.

Matthew 7:23
I never knew you- depart from me.

whatdda who? You never knew me God?! I told tons of people about you, saw demons leave people, I did might works in Your name!

The overflow.

Bathing in His goodness, in His discipline, learning, correcting, teaching, bending, pouring out love. Finding identity, standing in who He and what He has called you to be.

There are so many things Christians can argue about, scipture, how to enterpert this, how to go about doing this, how to view that. But if you are not living in the overflow of the quiet place, then how empty will you become with all these things.
In the joy of His presence is peace, understanding, overflow.

I would stay in the joy of His presence, in the correction of His voice, because I know He is drawing me closer to Him in his discipline and His joy. I get to know Him more, push through more to see His face. Though the world, the church, may never see me, He see's me. He knows me. And one day when I stand in front of Him, in awe, in joy, in utter excitement, in release of everything unknown that I will hold onto until eternity, from the overflow, from not my goodness, not my great works, not my amazing purity, heart or devotion, but from His love, power and steadfastness. I will be held in my last spout of weakness, comforted by His overwhelming overflowing strenght.

If I could lay it all down, I would, but I know I'll stand before God one day, defeated by my flesh, in sorrow that I could not give him SO much more, because He is SO worthy. He will wipe away my last tear.

Here I live. Here You are giving me breath. Lord, may I always overflow, though I'm sure there will be days when I am empty, when I doubt, when I am afriad and You in your steadfast fierceness and love for me, will come, wipe it all away. Rescue me and stand me up. Because I am your daughter.
And there I will live in the overflow.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


One word I really don't like is reality. Reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or may be thought to be. When most people refer to reality they refer to what they can see.I know there has been a supernatural stir in me to not live realistically, to not live in a way that is safe, secure, promising of success. All of these things mean more from me, more work from me and this is not what I desire.
The promises of the King have been instilled within side of me. Kingdom reality.

I have been reminding myself frequently of a week in my life with the Lord when He began to show me the supernatural reality of this world. That what I was viewing as reality, was indeed not. This specific week my mind was being blown internally as the Lord would speak to me while my friends were sick (headache, stomach ache nothing big), showing me that it is something beyond a mere stomach ache that is hurting them, that indeed it is the hand of satan. Ever since I have been stirred up to victory in the face of any illness. I have been undergoing many trials as of late forcing me to face the thoughts of man on this subject, and often feeling defeated. But with the kindness of my Father as I face Him he reminded me what He showed me, to stand strong and not waver in my steps towards His righteousness. I am learning and am sure I will always be learning, but through these failures and reminders such hope gets stirred up in me.

I want to break out of every form of reality, but I know as long as I live on this planet I shall be forced with people who take reality as law, even when they proclaim Jesus as Lord. I know there will be persecutions for living this way, that is a reality that has already been defeated by Jesus and Heaven; desiring to live with my reality as heaven, because in that reality Jesus always has victory. Always, without fail.

I am called to defeat reality.
to always give and not refuse to borrow. Matthew 5:43
to love my enemies and those who persecute me." 5:44
to not lay myself treasures on earth, but in heaven. " 6:19
to not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will be anxious about itself. " 6:34
to not judge, for with that judgement I will be judged. " 7:1
to ask, know it will be given me, seek and I will find, knock, and it will be opened. " 7:7

Still, I am learning. I am excited to admit that I am weak. That I get to learn, lean, trust, hope in the Almighty God. That Jesus always grows larger as my hunger for him increases. That I fail, that Jesus never fails.

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done. On Earth as it is in Heaven.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

having a voice.

I desire to have something to say, but the more I try to find something... the less I have to say.

Everytime I get in the quiet place, I think... "oh! wouldn't someone else love to hear that!" Then I get to the point of sitting down and writing it out and it loses its gumption.

What I'm learning is that I was made for love. Having a voice isn't what I'm meant to have. Christ is what I get, what I have dwelling in me. The paper doesn't contain the words I hear because they are so sweetly and soley for me that they are not able to be spoken. Words are emotionless, the Holy Spirit is the revealer of the deeper things in words. So rather then living to spread a word, I shall live to spread the Spirit, to embody every moment of glory in the quite and release that moment to the constant buzz of the world.

Man, Jesus is sooo good.
Man, stop trying so hard, just rest, be loved, then go, go love.

having love
embracing love

be free

Friday, October 1, 2010

sweet sky.

May I pray as you say.

This picture that is the banner of my blog isn't just any ol' sunset.
It is a reminder to me, that when we pray, in our meekest moments, God opens the heavens.

Two summers ago I worked at a lovely camp out in Deerwood, MN. This specific thursday afternoon  I was lifeguarding, no one was coming down to swim because this week had been gloomy. Sitting out on my raft, staring at the amazing scenery around me I  so desired to see a sunset, to have a sunset canoe paddle. So, from my desire, I asked God for
a susnet. About 40 min later open swim was closed and on my way in I asked the head lifeguard if she thought there was any hope in having a sunset that night to take the campers out on the lake. She, with no doubt in her statement, commented on the weather to come and how it was not likely at all.

So I went ahead and planned to play sand volleyball with the youth instead of canoe. Fast forward to our evening game of volleyball. Somewhere in the middle of our game I'm on the sidelines getting lost in  conversation with the tree's and grass when I look to the sky, and in awe begin to admire the lovely colors of the sky.  When i realize..the sky.... is colorfull!?!? Immediately I realzie what has happened,  yell for all the campers to stop playing and go change and meet me down at the boat house.

It was deffinetly a throne room moment. When I realized that God has parted the skies for us. So on our  canoes we paddled out to the middle of the lake. Where we all stared in awe of the beauty that we had been given.  Huddling the canoes together, I began to speak a word to these campers, and at some point mentioning that I had prayed for this sunset and as soon as I said this, most of them began noting how sweet is was that God HAD answered my prayers, their faith deffineitly lifted mine up at that moment opening my eyes to the significant beauty that had been given to us. All around the lake, we could see for miles, were the dark clouds that you can see around where they had parted. The clouds had literally parted perfectly over the camp and stopped not to far above where the photo shows.

If only I had the faith to pray for a sight the size of a sunset every day.
May I pray as you say.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

nothing compares

to often i am to close to this world.

a very large part of my wants to be friends with so many people,
to reach out and love my sisters and brothers, to allow people to see
who i am.
constantly i am broken into peices as i sit, stare and gawk at the
relationships that are forming around me.
everyday i realzie how much i was not born into this world,
that in my newness i was born into a world that is very much separate from
from who i now am.
in these moments of realization i couldn't be more happy, feel more full,
know that i am complete when i shut my eyes and allow myself to escape into
the only relationship worthy of every moment of my time.
i've been allowed to see the heart of women, of men of myself. to know that when i just want to
shreek about the glorious relationship i have that many, often myself, will look at me oddly,
question my love with scripture, urge me to examine myself.
psht, i say.
i'm going to go absolute, insanely so far out there crazy.
as i humble myself in admitting my own pride, inability and lack of friends.
as i cling to the one who gave it all, for me, who has equipped me for each moment,
who desires to know me utmostly.
so i dare to pray to know God like Adam knew God.
because you will always let me down.
you, woman, will never listen to me as much as i need to be listened to.
you, teacher, will never allow me to do as my heart fully desires.
you, husband, will spit in my face when i most needed a kiss.
you, human, man and woman.

"i've tasted Your glory,
and i left it there,
you poured out Your mercy,
and i didn't care.
still You loved me.

nothing compares to what You've done for me."
Prodigal- by Michael Gungor Band

Saturday, September 18, 2010

everything within.

I love being full with the glory.

There is no love greater then this.